Yelling

It seems that we're tired of waiting for Change.

I think many of us were duped; I know I was. I feel that we lost sight of how politics actually work in this country and how much our rose-tinted glasses were letting us see.

I only partly blame Obama. I blame myself. I blame his campaign. I also, blame everyone ever in the country...that's right, even babies and corpses. ...especially them.

Point: I still think that the Right (God's Right) is much, much worse. That corpse is bloated with so many racists and homophobes and mouth-breathing, gun-fucking idiots that any semi-reasonable, intelligent conservative Republican would only be drowned out because they can't yell as loud.

What I getting to here is that in light of the economy, this healthcare clusterfuck, the continuation of two wars...are we really, REALLY surprised that nothing has changed?

Hypothesis: This country is too scared of itself. We are shackled by politics gone fat and corrupt so much so that government and policy are just one middling line of gray constant that occasionally sways to the right or left.

We should have smelled bullshit when Obama thought it would be a good idea to let that bigotty pastor or priest or grand poohbah or whatever be a part of his inauguration. Fuck that guy. Get him out of there. What did he add AT ALL to that ceremony that he, specifically, had to be there? Well, some of us who read into things too much might say that he was throwing the idiot demographic of this country a bone.

But he's not just throwing them a bone, is he? He has to keep the people that don't agree with him happy for some reason.

What is happening now with healthcare is just embarassing. The think tank at FOX News is going at him 24/7, throwing gasoline on the fire that is the underdeveloped brains of their viewership. "Tea Party" groups are spouting up all over the place; a sad sign of the times as something that was an act of defiance against true tyranny has now been usurped by over-fed, xenophobic, education-fearing white people to use as a guise for groups that promote ignorance, yelling, racism, and well just plain idiocy. What Obama should do, what the government should do, is go after all these people. Shit, they're already acting as if you're attacking them, who not attack them? Metaphorically, of course. Call them out. Expose their idiocy. Call twats like Glenn Beck on his hypocrisy about healthcare. Show these people for what they are: puppets and puppet-masters of the shittiest variety.

Nothing changes. Things alter slightly, but nothing TRULY changes. Nothing is ever shook up because we are worried about invisible consequences. If Obama wants to be left...BE FUCKING LEFT. Don't do this half-assed shit. Here are some ideas of what I'm talking about. These aren't things that I necessarily want to see happen, but they are examples of a true "regime change":

- FORCE gay people to get married. None of this let's "allow" them to get married...let's do this shit TO THE EXTREME! Take over any and every church and hijack them for the weddings. Pull all the troops home and then use them as armed guards outside of each and every church. And don't be subtle: lines of troops, guns out, snipers on rooftops, humvees, everything.

- Kinda-Sorta Communism Wage Garnishment: Are you a football player who makes 5 million a year to catch a ball and beat up strippers? Guess what? You now make $90,000 a year. Looks like it's back to work for that trophy wife...I'm sure her thigh high boots still fit. But yeah, anyone, everyone, you're rich? Well, now there is such a thing as too rich. Have a problem with it? Take a lower salary. The Maximum Wage is set at around $90,000 per person. I don't think that's too unreasonable. If you try and hide money, you are tried and then you get stabbed by that money after it has been folded, glued, taped and sharpened into a shiv by an especially industrious, sweaty prison inmate. All, extra money goes to the needy, the sick, to our medical facilities, our schools, our parks, roads, etc.

- But Jordan, what about the poor who are just lazy? Waaaahhhh I'm a rich twat and free money to the lazy is TOOOOOTALLY different than excessive money to the undeserving.... Well here it goes, friend: Uncle Sam's Smart or You're Out Life Coaching Program! Yearly, there will be a test given to every citizen to make sure they're not a piece of shit. Don't worry, there will be no essays on Ayn Rand or trigonometry worksheets, just stuff that you should have picked up going through high school, thinking occasionally, using logic, etc. You must be able to show that you are literate (and choose to continue this gift of reading), are aware of social and political issues/happenings, receipts for examples of supporting various arts. To support all this extra money that will be coming in due to the Wage Garnishing, there will arise a new industry to support this policy. Life Coaches will now be government mandated. These Life Coaches, however, will not be the scam artists that we know now, no no, they will be some of our country's better citizens. Their jobs will be to exist in communities and enforce the rules of "not being a shitty person." Anyone who is found to be shitty or annoying or the like will be tried and flung (via catapult) into Idiot Island.

- Texas will be renamed Idiot Island



So those are just a few things to get Barack HUSSEIN Obama started. That is another thing right there: Hussein. Man those idiots can't get off enough by calling him by his full name and emphasizing his middle name like it's some kind of secret fucking dirt they have on the guy and they're tooooootaly (totes!) wheeling it out in the WITTIEST fuckin' way ever! You almost expect them to say: "Buuuuurrrn!" immediately after, then cross their arms all B-Boy style, and have a smug nod to their head, then piss themselves....

I think Obama needs to start ending every press conference, every speech, every single thing he says with "...and so it is for I am Barack Hussein Obama!"

This is all very absurd and exaggerated, but my point is not: Obama is just another guy in a long line of guy's who run this country and are slaves (or products of) societal mainstream norms. He cares as much for the fringes of our society about as much as G. W. did, or Clinton did, or shit, about as much as Taft did. Only the blobular, huge, socially acceptable at large groups of people will ever truly benefit from a political system. Did we really expect Obama to show up on day one wearing a Zappa tshirt while making out with his boy toy (that Michelle 'totes doesn't know about...didn't know about, I guess), all the while exclaiming: "Hey everyone who voted against me! Do you like chives? Because that's all you can eat for the next 4 years! Heeeey!"?

Nope, he's just some dude who loves his Bible, who is too afraid to take on this country's tumor of gun-crazy rednecks, too scared to remove the boil on the country's ass that is FOX News and any like minded "misinformation for profit" type groups, and too scared to really Change anything.

End of Post Example to Prove Point: This country will not change unless a massive act of violent upheaval takes place. Short of common sense stuff like equal rights for women and people who aren't white, the last time the country was different than it was before an event...that was the Civil War. I certainly don't want something like that to happen, but it is interesting to think about in this context. So, finally, I submit this to you: An atheist could find the cure for AIDS and fix the economy (permanently) tomorrow. Come election time, I am certain that he would not be elected solely on the fact that he is an atheist.

- J. Michael Hill


*** EDITOR'S (ED: Writer's) NOTE: I hope that one day I attempt to get into politics as I am 100% certain that this essay will be found by some blogger or news organization or some shut-in yahoo and then subsequently published and reported as "what I REALLY believe" and thus, ruining my career. ...Idiot Island does have its appeal though, come on.