Space Vanity!

This post is inspired by "Infinite Jest" which is a book by David Foster Wallace. It is great. You should read it. Anywhoozle, a chapter in this book details an interesting topic that struck me as interesting. It was so interesting, in fact, that it made me exclaim: "Wowzers! I am INTERESTED by this!" in the middle of a Starbucks. I then eye-humped everyone around me until they went back to their business, then, once I was essentially alone again, I picked up my iPhone and wrote down in the Note application: this will be an interestingly good idea for a blog post that 4 people will half read (paraphrase). Literally 1/3 of that story is true. Make a fun game by trying to guess which third.

So here we are. On the cusp of me unleashing something you will find so, so interesting. I must disclose something, though. It makes me feel like I would be an absolute jerk if I did not mention it: After reading this first paragraph or so of a chapter in "Infinite Jest" and it piqued my interest to write about this interesting topic, I then proceeded to be posthumously pants'ed by Wallace because he says everything I am thinking about the topic but in a much more intellectual, funny, and grammatically-correct way.,; ( So, you can track down the book and stop reading this right now (recommended). Or, you can treat this as a feeble minded invalid's cute attempt at trying to be all...deep n' stuff (also recommended, but with less sweaty urgency).

Perhaps I should get to the post, huh?



Remember web cams?

Yeah, me either. So, I totes Googled them and Goggle googles at me: Web Camz wuz picture movies you taked of urself and they get catapulted over the internetz 4 others 2 c!

This phrasing gave me an erection because I thought I was receiving one of those "sexts" that news programs are always going on about. After a few minutes of looking around jerkily, expecting an impending visit from an imposing "hawttie," I collected myself and carried on (with a tear in my eye).

Now that I've filled my quota for stupid humor for a blog post, I will present my "deal." Why are web cams a constantly in and then out again trend? Think about it. How many times have you purchased a web cam/installed a video chat program/fooled around with the tiny little video camera built into our fancy new computer?

I think that some technology is an advance that, if we think about it, we don't really want. It is much like the Nintendo Wii: an entertaining albeit shallow romp through the world of motion-controlled wankery. It is a neat parlor trick, but then we come to our senses and stick with the old tried and true thing in question.

I think that things like convenience and vanity override the technological advancement of web cams and video chat. You can be naked and use a phone, text, im. Well...I guess being naked for web cams is how some people make a very lucrative living, but this post does not concern the adult entertainment industry. I digress. You don't have to worry about how you look when you pick up the phone after being woken up by its early morning ringing. Do we see a trend here? Video chat makes us turn an eye towards ourselves. For some, this may be a complete non-issue but I think each of us has SOME degree of vanity...or, at least, self consciousness. I think it makes people feel stressed out. How many people already hate talking on the phone, thanks, in part, to the popularization of texting? We are already becoming hermits within a form of hermitry (not a word). Why would we then choose to become exhibitionists in a different, but similar vein of communication?

There comes a point where the novelty of space-age wonderment at the prospect of long distance video interaction wears off and we become "over it." Why would you worry about making sure you don't look like a sweaty leper when you can just hit two buttons on a phone and get, roughly, the same level of communication? Convenience overpowers concept.

We are tethered with video chat as well. Tethered both physically and morally/behaviorally. We can't feign interest. We can't be staring off into the middle distance, trying to conquer some part of some cheating, cheap-bastard video game, or, L. Ron Hubbard forbid, be using the bathroom. Also, no one but the 10 richest kings in all of Europe can afford a camera bot that follows them around. We peasants must settle for stationary cameras embedded in over priced laptops or bulky plastic third party cameras swaying atop a laptop screen or monitor like some chintzy, obese gargoyle on top a house of cards.

In a way, video chat is a step backwards in technological advancement. We must remain in a designated area. We must have a system to run the a/v suite; it isn't a self contained experience like the cell phone. We need to worry about bullshit like whether each person has drivers up to date, "do we all have a skype account?", Mac vs. PC "compatibility" and all that other nonsense.

Just something to think about when you're running your sexy web cam, subscribers-only dog and pony show. The dog rides the pony. It's cute. What?